When You’re Kind of There, But Not Really There by Shuxuan Chang

 When You’re Kind of There, But Not Really There

         At the beginning of school, I was too shy to talk with anyone, even my teacher. I tried to talk to people who seemed nice to me, but most of the people already have their group, I don’t know how people get into friend groups so fast.

         This happened to me so many times, and honestly, I still don’t know how to fix it. I remember I thought I was getting closer with their group. They talked to me like a normal classmate, and maybe they even thought of me as a friend, but I still felt left out. One time during lunch, I sat with people I thought were my friends. I tried to join their conversation, but they just kept talking to each other like I wasn’t really there. I was sitting with the people that I think I’m their friend. I try to talk with them, they just annoy me, talk with other people, It made me feel like I was there physically, but not really part of the group. I finished eating and left early.

        After that, I started noticing that many people around me were also sitting quietly or staying alone. I just heard what they were talking about, but I didn’t make any comments. I didn’t say much because I was scared of sounding annoying or awkward. For now, I think being alone is sometimes better than forcing myself into a group where I don’t feel comfortable. Being around people but still feeling left out can feel even lonelier.