The Silence After Prayer, an article by Hanaa Haleem

 The Silence After Prayer

Imagine this—sitting on the prayer mat at 10:30pm. You want to go to sleep after Isha prayer, but you know that your heart feels heavy; not necessarily overwhelmed, but there are a lot of positive and negative things on your mind. This day went unexpectedly well. You were actually able to wake up for Fajr (morning prayer) despite the tiredness you felt from studying all night, spent great time with your friends during lunch/in between classes even when aware of your workload, hit the gym, studied for your tests in a constant flow state, and still managed to make time for Allah (God) within all of it. Later that night, you just sit with your thoughts on the prayer mat and thank Allah for all of it. However, you begin to cry tears of joy knowing that your duas (prayers) were accepted despite how much you have sinned, how much you have betrayed yourself or Allah; and all you want to do now is thank Allah for how far you have come. Your past self wouldn’t believe how much gratitude you express everyday knowing that all you used to do was ask for more. But honestly, all you want to do is thank Allah endlessly.

This is exactly how I have felt lately. Yes, my imaan (faith) may not be the highest at all times, but when it is, those are the moments I make the most out of. It feels like I can’t thank Allah enough, and that's what I contemplate enough — am I really the best Muslim I can be? The big thing to remember is that Allah is the most merciful, most forgiving. He loves those who sin and repent sincerely, because he knows that you will improve, he knows that you will get to where you want to be; you just have to prove it. That's all he is asking for.