When Boundaries Feel Like Loss, an article by Hanaa Haleem

 When Boundaries Feel Like Loss by Hanaa Haleem

Now I cannot believe it— the things I let slide since they “were not that big of a deal.” That is only surprising to me since I have now made my boundaries clear, which my younger self would never do. I always believed that I had to be the “nice girl” aka a people pleaser in order to be accepted. I wanted to maintain the large friend group I had, because that felt like a definition of my worth. But over time, I realized that I was left with nothing but drain from the amount of people I constantly pleased. Having more friends may seem more entertaining, but in the long-term, it really only leads to more dread and drain as they continue to take advantage of you. 

Suddenly, the things you were once skilled at have been taken away from you. “You have just become lazy,” people say. Well, that isn’t always the case. In Islam, we believe in this thing called Evil Eye, where oversharing can lead to jealousy from others, and as a result, a loss of your strengths, skills, or luxuries. I’ve experienced this myself when noticing how certain “friends” overly complimented me and constantly asked how I had good things, but then I realized that those weren’t just silly questions, and were actually a sign to keep my achievements private as protection. 

I am now more aware and selective of whom I share information with. I keep my achievements private, not out of ego, but for my own protection. It turns out that the one thing I never questioned as a child turned into something I’m more aware of after witnessing. Tying this back into the importance of boundaries, it is common to lose friends after doing so, but at the end of the day, quality friends would respect your boundaries, meaning that those that left you weren’t a loss after all. It is normal to feel quite lonely afterwards, but that eventually turns into peace knowing your valuables are only shared with people who would congratulate you for them.